Linda G. Hill’s annual Just Jot It January is a great start to any new year for those who have fallen off the WP universe and want to rejoin the blogger race. They say it takes 30 days of commitment to a new endeavor to make it a habit and I used this January’s Just Jot It to get back into a routine of posting. Some days I didn’t write much but I used the prompt each day (I may have missed one) to write something just to reinforce the daily exercise. I am a big fan of prompts: sometimes they spur a thought or a rant and sometimes it’s just going through the motions of posting anything – even a photo or a haiku or quote. For those interested in expanding their readership, using the ‘ping-back’ feature, thereby posting your link to Linda’s post, is sure to draw new few. Congratulations to all those who participated; I enjoyed reading many new posts for other’s use of the prompt.
I can no longer legitimately complain about work, not from this work paradise that I am currently in (all things relative), so on days like today, when it’s chaos and I can’t keep up with my patient schedule – usually due to Emergencies that monopolize my time – I try to remember that the worst day here is better than the best day anywhere else that I have been employed. That doesn’t stop me from getting a little frazzled (mostly in my head but it leaks out in my tone, sometimes, I’m sure) and then I start to feel like there’s a conspiracy among nursing staff regarding my/our work ethic.
It’s not completely in my head; nursing staff dominates in numbers all other staff/departments in hospitals and, a little like BIG government conspiracies, the larger the number, the more they can get away with being manipulative and disingenuous. I personally have not had much in the way of problems with nursing staff because I am a team player, I communicate and I – almost all the time – don’t take things personally or allow things to bother me (too much). However, I do take offense when I am met with a condescending, lazy or superior attitude when it comes to my job performance: I am not a slacker and I am quick to respond to assertions that I “didn’t do anything” when, and this is an obvious conclusion, I am the only therapist ‘on’ and I am present throughout the entire facility for any ’emergent’ situation (which includes fainting – at least initially) so if I am not present or ‘miss’ seeing a patient or ‘don’t respond’ (as in I don’t respond in mere seconds after I was paged) it’s because I AM BUSY AND I CANNOT RESPOND AT THIS TIME…it’s not because I am avoiding work or otherwise ignoring calls. DUH!
Anyway…it’s been a hectic day and, although a lot of what I shared here does not necessarily pertain to today’s issues…I am still suffering from (a form of) PTSD from
working slaving at other facilities and I needed to vent some of this pent-up frustration.
One more day and the first month of the ‘new’ year will be finished and we’ll be on to the next month…ever closer to the summer months – which is half-way through the year and then near the end again. That’s why I don’t like to wish my time away, plan to far ahead, ‘look forward to…’ because the time already seems to go by way too quickly for me. Because I find the whole time perception phenomenon strange, I Googled it and came across this article about ‘mind time’ and ‘clock time‘..if you’re interested.
For anyone who missed it: the title is my allegorical reference but…I want to mention that the book the Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck was the first ‘real’ piece of literature that I can remember reading and when the teacher was dissecting the allegory, I was lost. I should read that again.
Another gray day in NH…outside my door anyway; temp. 36* I got up and out at 6a.m. to meet a friend for a half-hour hike – she didn’t realize it would be pitch black, mostly due to the cloud cover, and turned back to get her headlamp. We only needed lighting for a short while before the ground vs. snow cover made a more easily seen black & white contrast and then it lightened up enough to go completely without. My plan to meet her so early was to get a head-start on my day but I had been awake since 2a.m. so I made coffee and went to back to bed with an audio book – slept for another hour or so. I’m pretty easy on myself – maybe too much – on my “days off” when I don’t have any pressing things to do.
Because I’m not very ambitions past 4p.m., I have been using the dark evenings to watch movies or programs on Netflix (on my laptop) since I don’t have television. I am not a fan of television for many, many reasons, one of which is the subtle addiction that takes over your life if you are not aware and let it, and I don’t usually watch a lot of “TV” via Netflix either -except lately. I have been limiting myself – a movie or a couple half-hour shows – but I need to cut back more and do something else with my time; I feel it’s starting to get out of control and waste my time.
I saw theJusJoJan.27 prompt “dazzle” and thought, nope.
Here is one dictionary definition of “dazzle”:
verb (used with object), daz·zled, daz·zling.
verb (used without object),daz·zled, daz·zling.
So I moved on to read a couple of posts, checked my email & read one of those. Then I paused and was reaching for my coffee mug when I noticed the rising, swirling steam within a shaft of sunlight. I was hypnotized momentarily and realized that I was awed at this simple spectacle. It seems silly but the warming, glowing, precious sunlight turned my ordinary, every-morning beverage into a moment….and then the light moved.
I have my mojo back…I’m feeling better, a little more motivated. I am not sure what stirred this besides my prompting it, coaxing it, meditating on it – the it being “feeling good” again, wanting to get back into life instead of watching my ass spread across the couch cushions while I binged on Netflix.
I will testify to the fact that – for me – making myself do things that need to be done, should be done or things that I know will take a small load off my brain when I get it done, all of that does help. Moving…making myself DO things knowing that this will help me progress forward instead of slipping deeper and deeper into a gray gloom that, I know from experience, makes me feel worse.
Getting busy, staying busy, keep moving from one small project (doing the dishes, laundry, walking the dogs, shoveling snow, going to the grocery store, vacuuming, etc.) to the next makes me feel better. Sedentary lives are boring and make us feel physically ‘ill’ (overweight, less flexible, constipated, unsatisfied so we eat when we don’t need to ) and emotionally depressed. I know this but it doesn’t stop it from occasionally happening so instead of waiting for some inspiration, for the gloom to pass, it is an exercise of the soul to push myself to move, to do something that I’d rather not do.