History is a great teacher; personal history, global history, national history. I got to thinking about a prompt; if your life story was a book, would you choose to read it and if yes, you have to read the whole thing. I was driving and thinking, as hard as it is sometimes to NOT know the outcome of a decision that HAS to be made, it is ultimately (for me) the mystery of life that is so compelling. Since I have been in a position where I had to let go of my expectations of what or where my life is headed, it’s been easier to allow each day to unfold naturally, while I still have daily goals to work toward, it keeps me focused on the now, not yesterday or tomorrow. My history has taught me (finally) that trying to force or make something happen because that’s what I expected for me causes me much aguish. By liberating my future from my own will, the unadulterated tomorrow of my life causes me to feel a spark of exhilaration, expectation of the mystery *not that my life is exciting, it’s not* because I don’t know where I might be in the future or what I might be doing. There’s nothing wrong with having dreams or goals in life but we also might want to recognize that there are things, perhaps a bigger plan that we are unaware of and sometimes we have to yield when it seems to go against our plan. In life, its possible that we are not the only choreographers.
I haven’t been out with my Happy Tails-Happy Trails MeetUp group in months and I needed to get out of the house this morning for a hike/walk before the babysitting ensued. I quickly slid my GoreTex pants on over my fleece “pjs” and threw some bottled water in a slack-pack, made sure my snowshoes were in the car because the leader stated ‘we’ll need them’ in her last post. I questioned the necessity of snowshoes on a trail that is widely used by snowmobilers but I brought them and put them on.
Anita was telling tall-tales…snowshoes were not needed but a good workout for me was needed so I wasn’t terribly perturbed by using them. 2.8 miles later my legs felt like I was walking on Jello-stalks, the pups were happy and I was glad I was done. It is fun going out with a group of people and a group of other dogs but, to be honest, I really prefer going alone for the peace and stillness. I will try to catch up more on weekends ~maybe just one of the two days for the socialization for me and the pups~ that still leaves my weekdays to go venture on my own.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “tail/tale.” Use one, used them both, you decide.
It’s a beautiful sunny, 13 degree day here in NH, another wonderful day to do stuff: write, read, sew, hike and keep my momentum going! I feel like I have so many balls in the air right now and I don’t know which one I want to play with (well, obviously it the WP one ‘cuz here I am) and I’m going to write about something that was prompted by the daily prompt: sympathize.
I won’t spend a lot of time on this but I am thinking about my new job and how to handle the obstacles that I anticipate — its part of the job, people. More specifically nasty, demanding, entitled, mean people. As a nursing friend pointed out, I’ll have a whole different demographic to work with so maybe things will be different – I certainly hope so. I can sympathize with people when they are sick or in pain or experience fear and anxiety, I can overlook some behaviors due to these intense feelings. But that is not what historically I’ve been exposed to-not entirely.
Laypeople, in my experience, visualize these pathetic sick people in hospitals who just need to be understood and taken care of but, in reality, the real world, that’s not the case. For example: anyone who has even a cursory exposure to social media can attest to the vitriol of people. All you have to do to have even a minimal understanding of what healthcare professionals deal with (not doctors, people are usually on their best behavior when THEY are in the room – I’ll never understand that) is imagine a few of those people who you have ‘observed’ dishing out (hate, bigotry, misogyny, etc.) on social media being in the same room you are, and it’s “your job” to make them comfortable or ‘fix’ them, or medicate them at a certain time. Imagine how these people react when they don’t get their way especially when it’s just the nurse or lab tech or therapist — some peon whose job it is to follow orders (and that’s those are the key words that are specific to hospital jargon “follow orders,” like you are a dumb slave).
Yeah. There’s a reason that hospital personnel — usually nurses but they are supported by other staff — boycott and demand better treatment at their facilities because for decades now the management who sit behind desks and do not deal with the dirty job of patients do NOT support hospital staff when they have been spit on, punched, kicked, verbally abused as in yelled at with all varieties of profanity, threatened (“I’ll report you and you won’t have a job”) and in some cases *and I’ve witnessed this* knifed and been thrown to the floor and beaten to unconsciousness; innumerable healthcare personnel have had to go on disability due to what a patient did to them. If you think peoples’ behavior has declined to a point that you never thought you’d see, you haven’t seen them in a hospital setting where they are dependent on staff for everything and they are the ‘customer.’
In other words, a healthcare worker should get “hazard pay” because working in a hospital is, IMHO, no different from working in a high-security prison except that we can’t ‘fight back,’ we have no recourse, patients don’t get penalized, we are just the expendable margin of safety between mean people and the doctors and management.
But, I’m going to be positive and do my best and see how it goes. IF I encounter ‘customers’ in the majority that are no different from my previous work experience, I’m done. I can survive a lot better in a different job even if it means I take a pay cut to do it. My mental, emotional and physical health is more important to me than someone who thinks I don’t have any rights.
#SoSC: …In other words…
I don’t know why but for the last few weeks I’ve been waking during the night with spontaneous thoughts about past friendships AND during the day while walking ‘old’ friends come to mind. It’s not a conscious thing, as in: I need to get in touch with that friend or I haven’t seen so-n-so for a while. Its more like reflections on my “past”.
In the wee hours of morning today I thought I’d do some writing about friendships; past and present. I had written months ago about a friend of mine that is no longer in her skin suit — she’s probably happier about that as she wasn’t pleased with the assignment. I think I’ll do something in that format; what, if anything, can be gleaned from the relationship and utilize that for my personal evolution. As the common denominator, I will hopefully see why I’ve only had serial friendships.
Occupying a tiny space along the Appalachian Trail with my backpacking partner that day, Checklist, we took several moments to enjoy the view which included ~ way, way off ~ NYC. Because this particular portion of the trail wanders through Harriman State Park and Bear Mountain State Park in NY. and Checklist lives in NYC, she had hiked portions of this part of the trail previously. If she had not pointed out the skyline of NYC I’m not sure I would have “seen” it as I scanned the horizon. I’m not sure if you will be able to see it on this post but there are tiny little vertical projections, skyscrapers, along the farthest mountain range. One reason I enjoy taking in a view when hiking, particularly a spectacular one such as this is that it reminds me how insignificant I am in comparison to ‘the big picture’, therefore, how small my worries are and how much I should appreciate life and what I do with it. The mountains and sky will remain forever, I am here but a short while. In nature with the beautiful world spread out before me, these are the things I am reminded of on these occasions.
“winsome”: sweetly or innocently charming; winning; engaging
There is nothing sweetly…charming about me. First of all, I don’t have ‘the look’ for it; I’m “tall for a woman,” middle-aged & somewhat ‘soft’ now and I have a rather ‘man-ish’ appearance (the 1/4″ clipped salt & pepper “hair-style” doesn’t help) with a large, lumpy face. I couldn’t pull off winsome if a sniper had me in his crosshairs. My best ‘nice with a smile’ must come off as grotesque at best since the response from people is typically (but not always) a huff, sneer or short shake of the head…and that’s the benign response. Attractive people have NO IDEA how much easier they have it in this world of superficial and judgmental asses.
But…I don’t let that get me down and with the aid of YouTube’s plethora of inspirations/motivational talks/videos, each day I think “happy thoughts” and put on my “positive attitude” like a coat and go out into the bad world knowing I’m not alone — some people are worse off and many are better off but we’re all in the same boat, rowing toward the same end. I’m becoming less “effected” by the attitude of others and more focused on how I can change my tiny part of the universe by just trying harder to be a better person despite all.
I am grateful for those (free) videos; a daily dose of a few of those keep me from free-falling into despair. Last night I watched about 8 of them: motivational ones so I could go to bed feeling better, a little more recharged and I woke this morning ready to get up and ‘face the day’ (I didn’t DO what I’d intended: -1* with windchill outside of -40, I did not go on my walk which is how I wanted to start my day) and roll with the punches. I’m also grateful it’s the weekend so I can take a little break from having to think about a job.
Hahah! I thought this image was wonderfully out of context for my post.
Resolution, resolution…no, I have no interesting or amusing things to say about resolutions that haven’t already been said/written. I haven’t made resolutions – that I’ve kept or can remember – in forever and I don’t see the point in one now. I think I do the things that most of us do; I try each day to see ‘the bright side’, I try to be a better person, I try to be/remain hopeful about the future, I write something somewhere each day, I express gratitude each day for what I feel I should remember to be grateful about and I try to keep an open mind and see the humanity where ever I can…and I try to be more patient.
I could decide to lose weight, get more exercise, eat healthier and DO more things but that puts pressure on me EACH day and then I feel bad when I don’t live up to my own expectations – and I don’t need more of that feeling. I will just keep things the same. I don’t know what each day brings, good or bad, so rolling with the punches is about the best I can do in addition to all the self-Improvements already noted in paragraph 1.
I could also decide to make my posts more interesting, educational or inspiring but I’d disappoint myself and any readers out there so I’ll continue using WP as an echo chamber for my thoughts.
Best wishes to everyone on their 2018 resolutions and to everyone else, just keep it real.