Checking in with Saumya at Randomness Inked for the weekly Gratitude prompt:
I’m going to cheat a little and take her lead topic: work socializing.
My first month of the year progressed as I anticipated with very small hiccups (but that’s expected as well): I blogged (almost) daily but, of more significance, I posted several posts on
many most days. In the attempt to put more effort into my blog, I’m also trying to find my sweet spot: I’m not as personal as I think I could be (but not entirely comfortable with yet so I’m feeling that out) and I think I lack some levity that I appreciate in others’ writings. It most often just depends on the day, the prompt and the time I have to write.
Regarding work, which I have written about (old job and new job), I’m also attempting to find my comfortable spot there as well. Initially I needed to get the ‘job’ down: learn computer programs (still doing that), finding equipment (ditto), getting into a daily rhythm – if that’s even possible with a pager randomly beeping off – and trying to not get frustrated with myself when things get hectic. The last thing I have put any effort into is getting to know my peers – not that I haven’t thought about it every day.
Autonomy is one of the job’s attractions for me; I am very comfortable being by myself, working by myself for long periods of time. Most weekdays my boss is around as a resource but he isn’t a micromanager, a refreshing change, so when I’m not ‘busy’ I have time to use as I want. I can spend more time with patients, which was one of my objectives when I started this position, but most of the time I stay in the office and peruse charts, try to move around within the computer to find and learn new features, do quarterly or annual ‘online education’ or busy myself with getting to know the facility a little better. Other times I glance over ‘news’ highlights, write on WP, or read from a book (I always bring a book) to take a break & get out of my head. Almost every day goes by pretty quickly and by 4pm I’m getting brain-drain and don’t tax myself doing anything that I don’t have to.
The only thing lacking is my socializing, getting to know other staff members besides passing in the halls and exchanging weak and self-conscious smiles. My ‘problem’ here is that I am socially awkward and what I mean by that is that I don’t share many of the average daily interests and inquiries. I don’t listen to music, don’t watch TV, don’t follow news or social media, don’t have a wide and interesting circle of friends with whom I enjoy entertainment in the forms of restaurants, movies, clubs, travel, concerts, & other activities that people do and share, my children are grown and most of my peers are younger than I. But mostly…I really prefer my own company. The problem that I have with this is; in all of my previous positions I’ve never made friends (wait…I had made 3; three “friends” who are no longer friends because we’ve moved on and the job is no longer the common thread) and this time I want to have more of a connection with my place of employment and the people there.
This facility is located in my ‘home town’ (kinda); I went there as a child patient, I had two of my children there, my mother used to work there (bookkeeper) and, sometimes, I think I might want to relocate a little closer to ‘home’ – so I want my last 10 or so years of employment to be in this organization and I want to enjoy more ‘ties’ with it. I try to ‘join in’ on the rare occasions that there is ‘cooler-talk’ and I can relate but it’s awkward and it’s frequently – if not always – interrupted by a ringing bell, pager beeping or someone comes along and the trajectory of the conversation is change. It is very difficult for me to ‘hang around’ in a busy environment that isn’t my home location – which, by the way, is located on the very farthest, opposite end of the facility – (for those not familiar with hospital work dynamics: nursing staff/stations are – obviously – the nursing staff’s home base. All other ancillary staff are more like visitors and just loitering about socializing, although it’s not discouraged, it is conspicuous and overstaying is not usually welcomed) so after a brief stopover, I move along.
To wrap up this monologue; my first month of the year went without complaints from me. It was a month with intention: grounding myself at work, increasing my visibility on WP, and generally trying to adhere to a daily conscientiousness.