Trance: abstraction: state of being lost in thought.
I can be ‘lost in thought’ anywhere – and a lot. This photo was taken after a very steep climb; the view and the breeze were the perfect reward and I had no choice but to take the opportunity to contemplate the blessing it was to be on the trail on such a gorgeous day.
It’s been a busy week: some good, some – not so much.
I won’t elaborate but it’s been a subdued week due to some tense relationships lately. I suppose since I do have other people living in the house that solitary might be considered not appropriate but I’ll argue that, if one can be lonely in a crowd, then I can be solitary in a house with other people. I’ve been doing my own thing lately and I’m okay with that – it’s worked out pretty good.
Living a solitary life forces me to find things I enjoy and learn to do things solo. I have no problem eating out alone although I only do it when I have a craving for something special, I also kayak alone, hike alone, go the movies alone (again, not often) and I have plenty of activities that I enjoy that is almost exclusively solo endeavors. Lately I’ve resumed my sewing (small, quilted wall-hanging in photo just needs to have ties and finish the bottom!) – due in part because I am still not working and I need to have things to occupy my hands/creativity and also because I have (until six years ago) spent so much money on fabrics and sewing accessories, etc. that I have been feeling guilty for not finishing designs I’d bought or started. This time I’ve spent alone, going through my stash and finding piecework I’d forgotten I had, has been a ‘gift’ since it has rekindled my creativity and enthusiasm for something that I’d thought I’d never get back to doing agian.
I’ve also cleaned out my basement – almost 20 years of the entire family using it as storage (it’s really long forgotten crap that no one wants anymore) – which involved me hoisting LOADS of shit up through bulkhead and spreading it all over the deck to determine what to do with it. Much will go to ‘recycling’ unless the owners *adult children* show up to take care of it. That was long overdue.
..in addition to the kayaking/floating in the river/lakes, blueberry picking, socializing, hiking with my fur-babies and, my favorite pastime, sitting in my private back yard on my deck or porch READING and drinking wine/beer.
I do what I want, when I want and I don’t compromise with anyone on anything. It’s my time, my home, my money and my life. I may not be “sharing” it with someone but I sure as hell have been enjoying it lately.
– neat, sunny, colorful with blue skies and puffy white clouds.
Instead, it’s more like this:
– making do with whatever I have on hand, airing my dirty laundry, meager belongings.
Organization is a process and it isn’t always represented as a neat package, linear with well defined edges. Sometimes it’s an organization of the mind or time or a ‘to do’ list or priorities and has nothing at all to do with appearances.
day to day, the minutia of events from morning to night involve thousands of thoughts and movements; getting up, shower, dressed, coffee – no breakfast, checking social networks/texts (how many dozens/hundreds of times?), making a phone call, work, socialize, pay bills, have the car serviced, run to the post office, grocery store, kids school, dry cleaners, getting dinner, doing laundry, looking for something, always searching for something not quite lost but absentmindedly misplaced, making plans for the next weekend, reminding ourselves of some momentarily forgotten ‘thing’ we ‘have to do’, watch TV, listen to music (downloaded on the phone, of coarse); minute by minute…we are “busy” with “things” we have to do, texts or calls we have to make, constantly ‘plugged in’ to the real world.
Busy, busy, busy.
What are we really accomplishing with all our energy dispersed willy-nilly throughout our day…days…months, years…lives?
I sometimes like to look up the daily prompt word, use a thesaurus or dictionary for words with multiple definitions, for ideas other than the obvious. Today’s word, delivery, was nine pages long in the thesaurus and on page 8 was: “state: verb. declare, assert”, etc. “Articulate” is another synonym; in other words how you say something.
Most parents do all they can to show their love for their children – most put the needs of the children even before their own needs/desires. We juggle jobs and chores with kids school work, sports and transportation and forgo a lot of things we’d like to do, places we’d like to go and otherwise sacrifice much in the interests of our loved ones. So, it’s the source of much pain to be even casually dismissed; to have simple inquiries or short, benign dialogue met with curt and rude replies. Showing interest – still – in the lives of our adult children apparently challenges their patience, it’s an inconvenience on their time for them to even show some small amount of respect or that they still care enough to want us to be a part of their lives. Sad.
I left my job – voluntarily – April…something, 12th maybe, can’t really remember the exact date – to hike the AT (started that on April 23) and had to get off trail June 9th. Anyway, I have not yet returned to ‘work’ at a paying job, most notably I’ve not returned to work at my profession, since then and I have to say – and I’m sure those who “know” me would agree – that not being exposed to the hostile & toxic work environment from which I quit, has agreed with me: mentally, emotionally & spiritually. It is glaringly evident that removing myself (any oneself) from such an environment is HEALTHY. I feel SO much better about life, specifically LIVING, that I cannot even convey (I guess if I was an adept writer I could) how this has changed how I feel. I have energy and optimism. I see “good people” everywhere in place of the a$$holes that I (thought) were ubiquitous. I have something that resembles ‘hope’ for my future (albeit, I don’t take into consideration that I DO need to get back to work soon) and I’ve made some new friends who I spend time with on a weekly basis doing things – in public; a scene I avoided prior lest I be ambushed by above noted a$$holes. I’ve returned to doing some of the things I used to derive pleasure from such as piece-work (quilting) and working on my property.
I have had such a great last month that I have noticed the difference myself (where we, inhabiting our skins, usually don’t notice those subtle changes). The objective now is, find a job that perpetuates this positive feeling.