Doppelgänger

I am listening to Stephen King’s latest, “The Outsider,” and I’m on the edge of my seat. So far there is a man arrested for a brutal murder (which, btw, when isn’t murder ‘brutal’?), based on an excessive amount of evidence: multiple witnesses, fingerprints and DNA, but he has an air-tight alibi; he was with three other co-workers an hour away from the murder site from early a.m. one day to the next evening (the murder was done on the evening of the first day away) and his companions were with him the whole time except when he used the bathroom (he shared a hotel room with another friend).

I know Mr. King is known for his “weird” or supernatural story lines but he also has some very, very good stories that do not involve extra-terrestrial or other weird stuff so I am hoping that I won’t be disappointed by the end of this story with something ‘weird’. I want plausibility – a doppelgänger is how this is looking….except for the ‘scientific evidence’.

 

Daily Prompt: doppelgänger

a disappearing act

Tyler didn’t have to beg much until his father agreed to buy the book. Dad’s a bookworm (as Mom always said) and Tyler knew that, if it came to a book versus, say, a football, Dad would cave like a soufflé (as gram always said). Tyler didn’t usually like books ~ boring ~ but this one was awesome. It looked really old and worn out and some of the pages were missing but Tyler thought the old writing in it was so cool (as Dad always said), not typed, and he especially like the drawings that looked like someone had done it by hand, not like a fancy bookstore book that looked like it was done by computer. Dad gave the book a once-over (as gram always said) and made a weird face after flitting through some pages but he eventually said okay.

After spending a couple weeks practicing, Tyler was ready to show off his first trick with Morgan, his sister, as his assistant. His parents finally sat down in between Dad’s evening jog and Mom’s getting dinner on the table. He had to bribe Morgan with his dessert, Blueberry pie, his favorite, to get her to agree to play along but the trick worked really well for the last couple of weeks with a sock, then his sister’s favorite doll, his Dad’s watch and his mother’s day-calendar. Now he felt like he was ready to show his parents what’s he’s been up to (as granddad always said). Mom and Dad had the okay, let’s get this over-with look on their faces and Morgan was starting to whine so he made his quick introduction and had Morgan enter the cardboard box and snapped the sheet over it just like the book said.

He waved his hands over the box, wiggling his fingers just like the drawing in the book and said the magic word: “arbadacarba”…

“Ah, buddy, I think you mean, ‘Abracadabra’,” Dad interjected with a little smirk. Mom gave him a nudge and those funny eyebrows that she does sometimes.

Tyler sighed and felt the trickle of sweat run down from a damp armpit. With some panache (as gram always said), he yanked the sheet from the box and took a bow. When he stood up he was relieved to find Mom and Dad sitting in silence with mouths hanging open, then they smiled the way they do when Morgan shows them a crayon drawing and he had to quickly look into the box to make sure Morgan had done her part.

“Okay you two, get cleaned up for dinner,” Mom said as they both got up and headed to the table. Tyler smiled to himself. Now he wouldn’t have to give up his blueberry pie ~ ever.

Daily Prompt: disappear

an awkward feeling about feeling awkward

I’m going to admit something here and I don’t know why I feel a little awkward about this because it isn’t a bad thing, a dirty secret like watching porn, it’s actually a good thing but I think it’s because of who it revolves around; I don’t want anyone to assume I am a ‘fan’, because I am a “fan” of no one.

Since I don’t “follow” Oprah, because I’m not a “fan”, I don’t know what her objective is…specifically. I know in public forums she appears to want to make the world a better place and I think that is an authentic mission. I listen to or watch ~ whenever it’s convenient for me ~ Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday podcast. It’s usually food for thought and sometimes I even feel (a little) better after watching/listening. I enjoy the feel good vibrations of the show, in which the intent is to, via a wide-variety of guests, help people find happiness, contentment, a purpose, to de-stress, to forgive, etc. Whatever it takes to find a way to live a balanced and better life. And I am a fan of that.

I think Oprah herself falls on one side of the fence or the other for most: people either love her or hate her. Regardless, if you have about 30-55 minutes of free listening time while driving or doing some mundane chore, check out her podcasts and pick one to give a listen. Even if you do not like her, the media mogul and, apparently, the richest woman in the world, what she aspires to through this one show is a hellava lot better than any ‘news’.

Daily Prompt: awkward

one of, if not the last post

There’s about four hours left in this last day of April. Four hours in this last day of posts for me, in which I may post this and maybe another post — or maybe just this one ‘cuz maybe I’ll run out of time while I’m writing it. Keep your fingers crossed.

I have been writing long-hand, paper and ink, today along with a run to the store, a walk in the woods (in the rain) and some short-time baby sitting. I also got up “late,” like 10:15, because I stayed up until midnight catching-up with SURVIVOR and it has been a gray, cold day and I felt like it & it’s my day off and I am an ‘older’ adult without any responsibilities that require my early a.m. presence. So I’m the Queen of my Castle or just the comforter.

Writing: I am astonished with how well the writing-therapy gig works. Really. I have seen, in the distant past, therapists (real ones, with degrees) and it’s been largely a waste of my hard-earned-cash because I self-analyze better than anyone I know and I’m not easy on me either. Some of this deconstructive mental jack-hammering has been perfected with age, as most things are (cheese, wine, viruses), but it’s also about intention. After the few hours of writing this morning, I feel so much better. The things that were weighing on me just <poof> dissipate. Now I know for some people the problems are bigger and you can’t write them away. I get that. However, that’s not what writing-therapy is about. It doesn’t make my problems go away. It makes me see the problem from another angle and then I dissect the shit out of it. Having the open mind required to walk the fine-line of self-emotional-preservation and quit-being-a-damn-whiner is very, very helpful and it’s a good thing because this middle-aged-momma isn’t wasting more time living the go-along-to-get-along life anymore. I’m done. But, before I toss the babe out with the sputum-water, I need to make sure it’s not just me. I know my faults but I’m also aware of faults that I am not fully cognizant of in times of stress and that’s why the paper and pen are useful tools. I can’t be the only one who feels like running from something as if I’ve been doused in kerosene and lit on fire and yet, others seem to handle it better and I have to exam the why of that.

This self-therapy is going to necessitate time spent with intense focus and no distractions are allowed ~ that means you, WP followers and friends. I’m thinking the month of May will be a good time to transition from winter to summer, from disingenuous to authentic, from whiner to winner. I have to break from some unhealthy habits and develop a satisfying routine and I’ve started an outline of objectives. All that’s needed is dedication and self-discipline (oh, and time) and this is very much a continuation of my #thepowerofpresence themed posts that I have not forgotten but not specifically addressed in many of my posts that are related in subject matter. So, thank you well-wishers, virtual help is always appreciated. I hope to come back with a fresh-attitude, some stories and ideas and maybe some visual changes to my blog as well. See you all on the flip-side (or in your blog post’s comment section – I’ll make appearances there 🙂

Daily Prompt: astonish 

~ 2130 on April 30, 2018

Notable…not really

I’m going to finish my A2Z Challenge because there are only X,Y,Z left and I don’t want to quit just before the finish line.

Otherwise, I am taking a break from WP. I haven’t had the time nor energy/inclination to read posts from writers that I normally really enjoy and I feel that I’ve been in a funk. I want to sort through some issues privately instead of airing all the dirty laundry here in the blogosphere. I appreciate feedback but, let’s be honest, the same self-involved problems are not interesting and I’m bored with myself/writing. When I come back, I’d like to have a better handle on what to write; my intentions and I don’t like my ‘handle’ (Karyn’s Domain) but that’s probably a bigger hurdle than I want to tackle…I think it also complicates ‘followers’.

I’ll try to make my xyz a little more interesting but I’m making no promises.

Daily Prompt: notable

A2Z Challenge: Opportunities

 

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I came to work today and shortly afterward my boss comes in speaking enthusiastically about a candidate for a position here. She said the name and I immediately go into fight or flight response because this candidate/applicant is a former ‘colleague’: a deceitful, predatory, self-serving manipulator who was fired from the position at our previous place of employment.

I’ve come a long way in the last year (two since the “events”) and I have always been aware that our paths may cross again since it’s a small state. I’m a shit happens, deal with it and move on person so I took some time to think about what I should do. So when I overheard a peer was ‘talking up’ this applicant to the boss, I took the opportunity to slip out of the office and go see the director, a woman.

After closing the door I was very succinct but vague. I told her this is in stricktest confidence and that I have not relayed any of this information to anyone else (so, in other words, she is the first and only one who now knows) particularly the “boss” because of gossip and confidentiality issues within the department. I suggest to my director that she not say anything so it can not be used against her/facility later. I told her very briefly what had happened and what the result was two years ago and that this candidate was eventually fired. I said I can provide witnesses if she wanted/needed. I told her “it’s behind me but I will not tolerate any shit in the future and I will see an attorney and go to court if I need to”. I told her I don’t care if they hire this person but to just forewarned.

Now I am just waiting and watching to see what happens. This will be very interesting. I sent a text to a friend so I have a ‘hard-copy’ of the fact that I said I’d spoken to the director about this person with date and time noted on the text.

This was not going to be my “opportunity” post but I could not pass up the opportunity to ‘talk’ about this today. I try to keep an open mind and accept what challenges come my way as a learning tool and so I will not fret over this but try to put it out of my mind and just patiently wait.

~ 1635 on April 17, 2018 A2Z Challenge: opportunity

Daily Prompt: fret

taking an opportunity

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This morning I went for a walk, early enough so I thought I’d not share trails with other people/dogs. I have two small dogs; one is shy the other is friendly, maybe too friendly because he just walks on up to strangers and completely ignores me calling to him, which then irritates me. I get nervous walking on trails because, technically, we are supposed to have our dogs on leashes but almost no one does (unless they know their dog is uncontrollable and not friendly) so I will keep one on and one off and alternate depending on how well they behave and stay with me. I had let them both off near the end of the hike (I put them both on before I get to traffic or parking lots) and was approaching where I’d normally hook them up when I hear a voice up ahead and dogs start barking. It was a man with two bigger dogs, both on leashes, and he was pulling them off-trail trying to keep them controlled. Well, INTERNALLY I said, “FUCK” and my heart beats a little faster because I ASSUME I know what’s coming: he’s going to be angry because my dogs aren’t leashed and let me have it, launch into a lecture and I’m going to feel embarrassed and cover it with anger then feel frustrated just because. Anyway, my stupid male just keeps on walking up to the group whereas my female is staying close. I reach down and hook her all the while calling to him – but he isn’t listening. The other dogs are going nuts growling and foaming at the mouth and my nitwit just keeps on approaching with tail wagging and a big grin on his face, the idiot. I finally get close enough to bend down and grab him by the harness (not collar) and “toss” him (as much as I can for 20lbs and I can barely move out of a bent-down-hunch) further down the trail (past the commotion). That’s when the guy yells at me to treat my dog better and that (the situation) is my fault not the dogs. All the while I’m saying, “just calm down, calm down” (that’s progress for me, I’ve been growing a set in the last few years).

I continued down the path but after a few yards I stop because in my head I’ve quickly calculated the whole scenario:

I don’t have my dogs on leash as I should so I feel frantic. ~ His dogs are on leash, so I feel he’s justified and I’m guilty.  ~ My dog doesn’t obey and that frustrates me.  ~ He yells at me (even if he is ‘right’) and that pisses me off so I counter but more ‘nicely’.  ~ I’m feeling all that partly because the situation as I’ve outlined but also partly because of my history and our current climate of anger and intolerance.

I’ve been ‘working on’ being a better person, elevating my thoughts and intentions. What transpired was because my dogs were not on leashes AND I get flustered in these types of situations (in the woods, alone, other people, other dogs).

I turned around thinking he’d be out of sight but he was at the same place, I think praising and treating his dogs. I called out:

Hey! … he ignores me.

Hey! … again, nothing.

Hello!! … He looks at me.

I want to say something to you. … He’s still looking.

Are you listening? …. ‘I’m listening,’ he said.

I want to tell you that I appreciate what you said and I’ll do better in the future.

… ‘okay,’ he said.

I was bothered by the whole thing the rest of the way to the car, in the car on the way home unable to focus on my podcast, in the shower. I finally decided I’d try to write it out of my system. I obsess (internally) about events such as this; uncomfortable situations where even I recognize that I am partially to blame but I certainly do not deserve nor do I easily tolerate other people over-stepping boundaries. I wish I had thought to say something like, you know, you could work on your delivery; we ALL can do better. But, I DID better and that was good for me and I hope good for him too.

Daily Prompt: frantic