one of, if not the last post

There’s about four hours left in this last day of April. Four hours in this last day of posts for me, in which I may post this and maybe another post — or maybe just this one ‘cuz maybe I’ll run out of time while I’m writing it. Keep your fingers crossed.

I have been writing long-hand, paper and ink, today along with a run to the store, a walk in the woods (in the rain) and some short-time baby sitting. I also got up “late,” like 10:15, because I stayed up until midnight catching-up with SURVIVOR and it has been a gray, cold day and I felt like it & it’s my day off and I am an ‘older’ adult without any responsibilities that require my early a.m. presence. So I’m the Queen of my Castle or just the comforter.

Writing: I am astonished with how well the writing-therapy gig works. Really. I have seen, in the distant past, therapists (real ones, with degrees) and it’s been largely a waste of my hard-earned-cash because I self-analyze better than anyone I know and I’m not easy on me either. Some of this deconstructive mental jack-hammering has been perfected with age, as most things are (cheese, wine, viruses), but it’s also about intention. After the few hours of writing this morning, I feel so much better. The things that were weighing on me just <poof> dissipate. Now I know for some people the problems are bigger and you can’t write them away. I get that. However, that’s not what writing-therapy is about. It doesn’t make my problems go away. It makes me see the problem from another angle and then I dissect the shit out of it. Having the open mind required to walk the fine-line of self-emotional-preservation and quit-being-a-damn-whiner is very, very helpful and it’s a good thing because this middle-aged-momma isn’t wasting more time living the go-along-to-get-along life anymore. I’m done. But, before I toss the babe out with the sputum-water, I need to make sure it’s not just me. I know my faults but I’m also aware of faults that I am not fully cognizant of in times of stress and that’s why the paper and pen are useful tools. I can’t be the only one who feels like running from something as if I’ve been doused in kerosene and lit on fire and yet, others seem to handle it better and I have to exam the why of that.

This self-therapy is going to necessitate time spent with intense focus and no distractions are allowed ~ that means you, WP followers and friends. I’m thinking the month of May will be a good time to transition from winter to summer, from disingenuous to authentic, from whiner to winner. I have to break from some unhealthy habits and develop a satisfying routine and I’ve started an outline of objectives. All that’s needed is dedication and self-discipline (oh, and time) and this is very much a continuation of my #thepowerofpresence themed posts that I have not forgotten but not specifically addressed in many of my posts that are related in subject matter. So, thank you well-wishers, virtual help is always appreciated. I hope to come back with a fresh-attitude, some stories and ideas and maybe some visual changes to my blog as well. See you all on the flip-side (or in your blog post’s comment section – I’ll make appearances there 🙂

Daily Prompt: astonish 

~ 2130 on April 30, 2018

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