#thepowerofpresence: day 5


Day 5:

The problem here is that I love reading and writing and I garner no wages for those passions.

I had watched Whoopee Goldberg in Sister Act 2 before going to sleep last night. It’s an older movie I’d never seen, somewhat ‘hokie’ but good music and an overall positive movie. It was better than news, Stephen King or GoT. I went to bed around 10:00 pm.

I slept well until about 4:00a.m. I woke with a need to pray. I didn’t want to get out of bed –  too cold – so I crouched under my covers and asked for help: “help me help myself, help me recognize opportunities, help me find work so I am neither destitute nor dependent (that would be humiliating – #josjojan), help me become a better person, help me find your path – for what you want me to do/be…because what I’m doing isn’t working out for me.”

I re-woke at 8:00 and I went out and did the same hike route as the last three days except I took a small detour to add some distance and climbs. It was 40* out and I finished with my thermal shirt and Gor-Tex pants over my fleece. It was warm and I was a little sweaty. I finished under one-hour (for the additional distance, this is less than yesterday’s time). I finished by 11:30. Today seemed to have extra hours in it: by finishing what I needed to do before noon allowed me to relax with the rest of my day.

I called some traveling companies and asked about work. “Not much out there right now” – just what I did NOT want to hear. There’s a job in Maine – about four hours from me, I said I didn’t care, so he sent my “profile” and hopefully I’ll get a call tomorrow or Monday for a phone interview. I finished one of my library books that’s due back tomorrow. I babysat my grand-daughter. I scanned some online ‘jobs’ that weren’t really there…fake jobs, apparently.

I had to find new home-owners insurance because mine expires in one month and the contract with …blah blah blah … so, that’s done for now. More money, less coverage. What’s new? I got a second estimate for my car repairs…$3.00 difference from the first. The good news is I’m not being ‘ripped off’, the bad news is I don’t have an extra $1,200.00. I added up an approximation of my bills for the next month+ and I might make it with what I have left. If I need to, I might be able to borrow from the small amount I put aside for “retirement.” Retirement, heheh…right.

I weighted myself today. My thoughts are: I will take a photo next and then I’ll have a comparison weight and photo for before and after.

I ate left over pea soup for lunch. I considered for a moment that it may have “gone bad” but pushed that thought aside and heated & ate it. It had a very slight funky flavor but its food and I didn’t have to go buy something…yet. I cooked up some Quinoa and I’ll mix it with some chili diced tomatoes for tomorrow (and probably the next day too). I remembered my vitamins.

This all might be a depressing post to you. It might even be to me if I stopped to think about it but I am not going to do that…in the same way I avoid the news. I am feeling positive, things will work out – why shouldn’t they? I’m a good person. I am a hard worker. I am doing the best I can. I am positive. I am meditating, visualizing and being proactive.

I’m grateful for this time to be out in this refreshingly cool, clean air in NH. I have my pups and my family. I have a home, warm and happy. I am relatively healthy (for my age) and I am capable. I live in a ‘free country’ and I am literate, I have access to books that inspire me and also stories that allow me to escape my reality. I’ve “met” some good people here on WP, people who are encouraging with their comments and their posts. I’ve enjoyed a reprieve  from a job that drained me emotionally and spiritually and I lived in the woods with some of the best people I’ve ever met in my life. It was an experience that I will NEVER regret. Life is good. I have hope.




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