humility-ization

jjj-2018

#jusjojan: humiliate

When I read this prompt I groaned. I thought, the last thing we or I need to write about is something negative and hurtful; the world is riding on a wave of human humiliations right now and I don’t need to be reminded of my personal traumas while I’m trying to keep my emotions above an ocean of hopelessness.

But the word persisted to swirl in my head and after two hours of lying in the dark thinking about it I tried to remember, when did I last feel truly humiliated?

You can believe this or not, some people will know exactly from where I am coming right now. After decades of abuse, disappointments, low-self-esteem and other forms of indignity, humiliation is a feeling that is rare for me. Its like crying so much you have no tears left. It’s having been down so long it becomes normal.

At some time, apparently years ago, I must have subconsciously come to the conclusion: why feel humiliated? There’s always going to be something; realizing you have insufficient funds after your groceries are rung up, finally standing up for yourself and holding your own in a confrontation only to realize you are the one in the wrong, finding you’ve been walking around all morning with the back of your skirt tucked into your pantyhose, some pompous-ass you are working with makes some snarky and condescending remark toward you in front of customers/clients/patients because he’s flustered and feels inadequate, someone corrects your pronunciation of a word in front of a large group with a sneer and an eye-roll — and there’s always worse as many of us not only read about in the news but have had some personal experience with ourselves.

Some feelings of embarrassment or shame we bring on ourselves because we are not perfect. Sometimes we experience indignity because of mean or thoughtless people. But isn’t humiliation sometimes closely tied to pride (or lack of humility)?

I think my body and mind finally just gave up. Sometimes I’m an idiot and sometimes people are going to treat me with disrespect. That’s life ~ why should I feel ashamed because I make mistakes or other people suck? Honestly, I have learned to laugh at myself a lot more than I used to, to not take myself too seriously (I’m still working on that), and to not allow the flaws in other peoples’ character effect me. There is a lot of truth to the adages, nobody can make you feel anything and pride before a fall.

Or maybe I’m just older and I don’t give a f*ck anymore.

 

*Your prompt for January 11th, 2018, brought to you by the very wordy Jim Adams, is “Humiliate.” Use it any way you’d like in your post. And make sure you visit Jim at his blog, “A Unique Title for Me” to read his post and say hi! Here’s his link:  https://jimadamsauthordotcom.wordpress.com/

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “humility-ization

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s