a door. but find another solution

I’ve been there.

I’ve been desolate, miserable, lonely, sad, hopeless, despairing and the fear of destitution has been my constant companion. 

I bought a gun.

The relative who sold it to me thinks it is for “protection” …

and it is…

it’s to protect me from living a life that I no longer want to be a part of.

There.

I. Said. It.

I’ve never admitted that.

I keep it locked up.

My family does not know I have it.

I fear it, how my anger could use it against me…

…and I think of it… like a secret lover…

~ The heft. The power. The finality.

It comforts me.

I feel when the world gets too hard~

when I become too frail~

when I have to be too dependent~

I can seek my refuge.

I have a long hidden and intimate friend…a solution.

But I don’t open that Pandora’s Box. I don’t look at it.

But I see it…In the box…everyday. I know it’s there. It helps me knowing.

Daily Promp: forlorn

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6 Comments

    1. I want to say “thank you” but that doesn’t seem appropriate. It’s getting better – honestly Denny, but thank you for your warm and honest thoughts. I’ve always held a soft-spot for suicide “victims” – hopelessness is the absolute worst feeling and, with great effort and, sometimes, help if you can get it, it IS temporary. That is what we need to keep in mind – just get to another sunrise.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s right, Buzz, and that sunrise is always only just a few hours away. I’m sure you’re already aware, but most cities/counties in the US (if that’s where you are) have emergency phone numbers you can call for mobile crisis needs, suicide prevention, etc. If you haven’t already done so, I’d urge you to find those numbers for your area and maybe tape them over the lock of that box!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Denny…you made me laugh out loud – not at you but that last part “tape them over the lock …” Yes, sunrise is always only a few hours away – I’ve never thought of it like that – hours!
        I am doing really well but…like I said, it’s a comfort to have (it)…I can’t explain it.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Yikes! I can’t even ‘like’ it. It better be for protection but I’ll never understand the gun culture in America.
    This is the first post I’ve seen in a while because my ‘Reader’ just shows blanks. Now I’m finding my way to followed sites through notifications.
    I got a lot of catching up to do!

    Like

    1. I hear you about the ‘like’ but, if the posts is memorable,…(matters not to me)
      I wish guns were abolished here – gun enthusiasts use the second amendment which, in 2018, is completely out of context: The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
      thanks for visiting

      Like

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