Black & White, Up & Down, Good & Bad, High & Low, Positive & Negative — etc. etc.
This “high/low” is appropriate for me on this Saturday. I’m trying to be grateful for my time away from work – any work, and the opportunity it affords me to do things and spend time with people that I don’t always have when working. The problem is – if what I am feeling can be even legitimately termed a “problem” – is that I vasilate between feeling low energy if not depressed and feeling much more high with more feelings of hope and optimism. More to the point; the problem is I tend toward the feeling of ‘low’ most of the time and only feel ‘high’ when I’m with (positive) people – no grumbling about ‘the world today’ or chronic personal issues – or when I am listening to audios such as TED Talks or interesting interviews/features (usually public radio). The ‘high’ feeling is temporary and usually pretty brief. I try to maintain it – go out for a walk or focus on energizing things to do – but it fizzles like a fire-cracker.
Writing may or may not be an answer to ‘getting it out’ and reframing/refocusing and I do try other things; I’m always looking for something of interest (to me) to do, try to find a friend available for a little social time or – and this is the usual routine – lose myself in a book. I try not to focus on my reality – which is that I am (yawn) lonely and I don’t feel I (boo-hoo) have a purpose – which then leads down the rabbit hole of – why exist?
This is my Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness – I thought I’d take a stab at it, try it out and now I’m moving on to do – DO – something (no friends available). I’m going to listen to an audio book while doing some sewing on a drizzly day. I’ll probably end up reading a book or watching a Netflix program later. But no matter what, I will try to think deep and happy thoughts.