It’s mostly cloudy skies right now. I gave my ‘applications’ a week and I had only one call back from a travel recruiter. I went to the bank, where I had what I believed to be a good interview, and inquired about the lack of any follow-up. Before I returned home, a manager from the bank called for an interview for a part-time position…better than the nothing I have right now.
New-hire bank teller pay is a little above minimum wage but still not enough for my expenses, even the bare bone ones, so part time employment is almost not worth working (which is probably why so many just stay on the unemployment dole). However, it’s a “foot in the door” to full-time positions and upward mobilization – and it is the type of job/employment I want during my middle-toward-retirement age because it’s way less demanding physically than running the halls and stairs in a hospital, hoisting obese patients and trying to save lives.
My tentative plan is to, shall it be offered, take the part-time bank position and try to find a position in a ‘local’ hospital for part-time or per diem work to supplement the awful pay from the bank. Ultimately, as I ‘move up’ at the bank, I will be able to minimize how much time per week I run myself ragged at the hospital. If the part-time bank position doesn’t work out, it’s back to full-time searching for hospital work; possibly travel work. Yuck.
This is the game that we play; what we need right now and what will be needed in the future. Hospital work is good for pay (not to mention time off; usually a work week is three days. Not bad) but bad for one’s health: fast-paced, physically and emotionally demanding. Most hospital workers that deal with patients (except maybe maternity) ‘burn out’ long before retirement age. It’s the proverbial fine line: work for money or do what you enjoy (and starve). Welcome to the (new) Land of Opportunity.
The photo was taken while I was in northern Vermont. It is a bumper-sticker among many on a guardrail of a pull-off to a view. I didn’t ‘research’ it to verify it’s authenticity. I don’t really care – it’s the ‘sentiment’ that matters the most: raise the bar on our thoughts & deeds and we elevate our cultural norm.
I’m a big “self-improvement” addict. I try to minimize the negitive and optimize the positive. It’s a life-long study. No matter what is going on in our own personal lives, we do have some choices – they are not always “good” versus “bad” ones, sometimes they are this shitty path or that shitty path, but it’s a choice nun-the-less, that will take us to yet another destination. I try to remember, while I’m bemoaning a current, less-than-best scenario, that my decisions are of my own volition and there is no use blaming or harboring resentment or wishing I’d done differently. Just deal with the now.
We improve ourselves and our communities one person at a time.
I questioned today if some people, not everyone, lose their homes to debts had not thought outside the box, had not considered unconventional ways to preserve their personal space. I thought this because my daughter’s family is going to leave my home for one of their own sometime in the spring. We all have known this is coming; the eventuality of this temporary situation in which they ‘rent’ my home until they could get ‘on their feet’ and get their own home, their own space. Still, it made me apprehensive. It made me a little ‘down’. I cried – a little. I thought of my own self-preservation in their absence. I currently am looking for full-time employment (any employment) preferably something that will sustain my current ‘life-style’; i.e. the ability to stay in my home. On the surface it feels bleak; the dark, negative thoughts circle the homelessness that I’ve always feared – a little, but I talk to myself and tell myself that, although it’s a possibility, it’s only one of many possible outcomes. I thought how I can make this work for me. I thought of renting my home or renting a room or selling. I thought of situations in where this could work or it could be a thorny path. I feel better having brainstormed the situation and I think I am feeling more positive although I don’t have an answer and the time hasn’t arrived yet to make a decision. I have to think outside the box: full-time income that sustains my current circumstances (the envyably ‘easy’ route) versus a potluck of small incomes to meet the same end. It made me wonder: have others thought of renting rooms, sharing their home with strangers to be able to make the rent?
I have been feeling so good since I haven’t been working; I’ve renewed my interest in quilting and other activities, I’ve been more social and made a few new friends and I feel more positive (overall) than I’ve felt – ever. But, I can’t survive much longer without an income so I’ve started looking at job openings in areas that I’m not familiar with such as banking. The problem is: the wage for breaking new ground is low or minimal and that is not going to work for me financially (frankly, I don’t know HOW it works for anybody?). The other option is to look for an opening in the field for which I’m trained but…that is an environment that is toxic by nature and I don’t really want to return to it. The other dilemma right now is my daughter’s pregnancy: she may have to be hospitalized for several weeks before her C-section (scheduled prematurely for the survival of the baby) and that means someone will have to take care of my grandson while my son-in-law works. IF I am employed – regardless of where – I won’t be available to take care of my grandson. IF I forgo employment should she need me, I will put myself in a position of desperately needing an income WHEN she is able to resume her parental responsibilities and it’s questionable IF there will be either openings or IF I’ll be hired at the most crucial time. I have always worked very hard to support myself and my family, sometimes two jobs. I don’t regret taking the time to hike the AT and taking the time to heal physically from that and emotionally/psychologically (from working). My more healthy state of mind makes me more positive and optimistic about my future and finding employment. I am motivated to look for and apply for jobs (within my profession and without) and I hope that things will work out for the best. If it gets more complicated, I will deal with that as it comes. Leaving my job was a gamble that, at this time, only appears to may have been a foolish decision but the opportunity has given me so much more than staying in that job (for the income) would ever have done for me. I am grateful for where I am in my life right now despite the fact that financial stability looks rather precarious. Life is about living; following your dreams and usually taking chances. It’s also about perseverance in overcoming adversity and maintaining hope.
I like infinite better than finite, not just because of the sound of the word but because of the possibilities that is the word such as the infinite number of stars, of grains of sand, snowflakes, drops of water or talent. Finite is so, well, limiting and most of us don’t like the sound (as in limited possibilities) of being ‘limited’, we like to feel that there is boundless time, energy, options and days to our lives. Finite makes me think of the dwindling number of days before snow flies or before the end of another year. Finite is a word of concreteness; hard and unforgiving, like if I make a mistake, that’s it, done, the end, no recourse. Our lives consist of a finite number of days/years/time and we prefer not to acknowledge (by acting without regard to) that fact each day ~ It’s a fine line to walk each day as one in a finite number we have and yet plan for the future as a given.