#SoCS/FOWC: find a piece of happiness

Lenox Hill hospital in NYC plays, over the speaker system, the song “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles each time a Covid-19 patient is either successfully removed from a ventilator or is discharged home. The reason is because it’s a way of celebrating something good in this otherwise difficult time. I read this in the latest AARP magazine article titled Happiness in HARD Times and it’s all about finding ways to feel good, feel happiness, which, as the article states, gives us resilience to get through challenging times. I felt good just reading it. You might assume that finding happiness is difficult when we are feeling trapped, isolated, unsure and frightened but, as I’ve come to learn the hard way, we can find happiness in the most simple things in life; sunsets, pets, walks in nature, being creative in finding ways to help other people, and learning to do something we never had the time to do before the virus struck. No one is saying that this time we are living through isn’t hard, it’s just harder to feel hopeful but finding joy can help keep us emotionally and physically more stable.

Linda G. Hill’s #SoCS: song

Fandango’s #FOWC: assume

#SYW: 7/6/2020

SYW-two-hands Sparksfromacombustiblemind

Melanie posts four or five different questions each week for you to answer.


In your opinion, what’s the closest thing to real magic?

When against all odds, something ‘goes’ right.

Where is the worst smelling place you’ve been?

Being in a room with a human being kept alive via “medicine” while the body is rotting from the inside out…literally.

What are some things that you’ve heard in your own life, which sounded like compliments but were actually insults?

Freshman year in high school, advanced English class, ‘instructor’ made some statement about (me) being surrounded by people holding up candles. He was a grossly obese, balding, old man who clearly suffered from an over-abundance of ego and I had no idea what he was talking about or why. I still don’t and I don’t care but it’s odd that I remember just that much.

What incredibly common thing have you never done?

Malign someone, carry out a vindictive act, steal anything, shoot someone, give in to road rage, be rude or disrespectful toward anyone without provocation, not worked for what I have, nor went to my HS prom.

Gratitude: Last Sunday afternoon, the guy, Sam, at the Apple Store was amazingly helpful and patient (almost two hours). He could have just told me that he couldn’t help me as the ‘problem’ wasn’t an Apple issue but a Verizon third-party phone insurance (Asurion) problem.

Tithing for Taxpayers

The following post is from Lydia’s blog:



Just a quick follow up to yesterday’s post regarding the billionaires, politicians, and their families who were recipients of the C-19 relief money that was intended to keep small businesses afloat:

The Evangelical church received $7.3 billion from that fund

That’s it, I just want to update you on my post’s inadvertent omission, but I’m not going to comment on it…except to say this: there is so much that is wrong with the way we do things in this country. That’s it, I’m done… but let me add this: Churches pay no taxes, so why are they getting taxpayer-funded relief? I mean, the first amendment to the US Constitution clearly states:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

The third word from the end of that quote☝️🏼is free. Free is synonymous with exempt. That doesn’t mean tax-exempt. It means exempt from persecution. So who decided churches shall be tax-exempt, and who decides which church, and why are they getting tax bailout money?

Okay, moving on…Let me first clarify that the “freedom” Jefferson referred to is that of choice. You can worship a televangelist or Tom CruiScientology or the sister-wives religion if you choose to, and I can worship my bunion and hammertoes if I choose to, but (this is bullshit,) my feet are subject to taxation. How can churches be tax-exempt but not bailout exempt? My bunions get no relief.

What this administration did when it chose to dole out our great grandchildren’s tax dollars to one denomination is akin to tithing on their behalf. Mike Pounce, his big daddy, the family’s pet turtle are tithing for taxpayers for generations to come because that’s how long it will take to make up for this GOP kleptocratic crap.

That’s all I wanted to say…but who voted evangelical? When did that become the national denomination? It wasn’t on my ballot. I might have chosen my bunions.

Let me blog-evangelize for a minute. The idea televangelists have been using to get rich on is that if you give your money to God, he she will bless you with more money because God wants people to be prosperous.

How is giving your money to someone like Joel Osteen, who is worth 50 million tax-exempt dollars the same as giving money to God? During Hurricane Harvey, that asshole locked his flock out of his Ostentatious Lakewood Church. Who can blame him; they were wet. WWJD? (What would Jesus do?) NWOD. (Not what Osteen did.)

America is the land of the free, free from religious persecution. Also covered by this proverbial blanket is freedom from organized religion, or you can live your life without religion altogether if that is your preference. Americans can have faith in a car salesman pastor, or my bunion, for which no basket will be passed.

Theology is a tax-exempt cash cow. The hypocrisy of this prosperous gospel, of Evangelical Protestants, siding with the GOP is grounds for losing their tax-exempt status. When a church endorses a political party they are no longer neutral. Make them pay taxes!

That’s all I wanted to say…Donald Trump does irony better than anyone, smiling for cameras as he holds up a Bible, after gassing his subjects. He has shined a light on the conflation of religion’s posturing for power, and the flimflam piety of the Evangelical Republican Party.

I will only say this, it’s an act for the benefit of God-fearing voters in the flyover states, the ones whose votes hold eight times more weight than that of a New Yorker, courtesy of the electoral college.

I will not expound…except to say that organized religion is not a ticket to heaven, it’s a money-making scheme that targets the same gun-wielding people whose electoral votes are counted many times over.

I know the rules. Etiquette dictates that the subjects of politics and religion should be avoided. I possess limitless self-control, which is why, as I said, I’m going hold my tongue…I’m just telling you that we bailed out the Evangelical Church with a forgivable $7.3 billion dollar “loan,” and churches don’t pay taxes. This administration is tithing for taxpayers.


a phone insurance you do NOT want


Spend Saturday cleaning out closets, boxes, books, rooms packing garbage, repurpose, box for later, etc. Cleaned out an entire room upstairs.


Phone shit-the-bed July 4th – Independence Day in the p.m. July 5th, as soon as Apple store opened, I went – thinking that I’d get a new phone easy-peasy after checking to see and file a claim with my phone insurance (“You’re Covered”). Left the house at 11:30 a.m to arrive at noon, when the store opened, joined the already long line, waited another half hour for my “appointment” and had the sweetest guy take care of me….for 1.5 hours. In that time he contacted Verizon, he contacted Asurion (the so-called ‘insurance’) and back and forth, and back and forth and here, there ,and everywhere; this PW didn’t work that phone number wasn’t correct, can’t get into my email…and the whole time he/we are talking to people are repeatedly saying, “She doesn’t have a phone so you can’t call, you can’t send a text, you can send a code, you can’t reset a password!!!!!” and on and on.

FINALLY – because he, Sam, was so nice and “understanding” the woman at Asurion, who had said that my phone would be MAILED out Monday and I’d get it Tuesday (Hello!! Some people still work; I won’t be home) and Sam said, “Listen, she needs her phone before Tuesday”…and, voila, the woman said, “OH, well, we’ll have someone drop it off at her house TODAY….”

LATER that same day, SUNDAY:

Very nice woman comes to my house, on time, with a phone – wrong one, this phone is definitely an older model – and after multiple attempts, the (new) phone doesn’t work. SHE gets on her phone with her own company, customer service, who walks her through how to get the phone to work (it still doesn’t), then transfer to insurance ‘claim’ person, wrong person, transfer to “warrantee” person who expects me to accept the phone that doesn’t work, I can’t get into it, and I state – with flowery speech, No Effing way am I accepting a phone that doesn’t work so I can send it back and wait – again – for a new one…transfer to yet another person,…Eventually, this one agrees with the nice woman who has now been at my house for one hour – that, yes, you go ahead and take the phone back with you BUT customer won’t get another phone until Tuesday – NO WAY can they bring me one Monday. I tell him….I WANT A NEW PHONE, NOT A USED, INOPERABLE PHONE THAT SOMEONE ELSE SENT BACK TO YOU SO YOU CAN SEND IT OUT TO SOME OTHER SUCKER WHO’SE PAID THE INSURANCE AND $100.00 DEDUCTABLE…AND I WANT A COMPARABLE PHONE OR BETTER – NOT AN ANCIENT PHONE.

It’s been 48 hours without a phone. It’s inconvenient but I don’t miss it. I’d rather do without it but…our culture has made it impossible to go without a phone as all service industries expect you to have one so they can send you codes, updates, emails, forms, etc, etc. To be without a phone is like having no hands and feet and eyes.

I had to have it sent to my daughter’s house because I work Tuesday thru Wednesday night.

ASURION. A Verizon third-party insurance company for your phone. FYI: Sam, at Apple said, “I’ve had to deal with them before. It’s always like this. They are difficult. I switched to Apple insurance. Had you had Apple, you’d walk in the store with your busted phone and walk out with a new phone.”


ASURION. A phone insurance company that makes it as hard as possible to get a phone replacement so that – hopefully – you’ll give up and just go and spend hundreds of dollars on a new phone and they can keep all the money that everyone pays them for phone insurance. NOT MUCH DIFFERENT THAN CAR INSURANCE AND HOUSE INSURANCE AND HEALTH INSURANCE.




I hacked the shit out of my backyard. It’s a mess right now because all the trees I’ve cut down need to be cut into manageable pieces and removed. That’s okay. I knew it would be a work in progress. I also knew it would be hard, heavy, dirty, sweaty and I’d probably suffer. I have cut, scraped, and banged the shit out of my legs (sitting with ice pack on one now)



Still have to do those. What’s the date? Next Tuesday?


House hunting:

I’ve given up for now. I’ve been cleaning and taking things to Sal. Army…in the event that something arises that I might like to try buying. One fucking fiasco at a time, please.





A SOC tossed salad

I’m waiting for my french press coffee to be ready to drink – with a dollop of maple syrup. I’ve ‘given up’ coffee except for an occasional need, a comfort drink, and I had decided yesterday that I won’t be online as much for a few weeks either. I was at work the last two days, the temperature in our ‘office’ is not controllable by the staff but by some automaton that decides when it’s a holiday, night shift, weekend or some other day that the hierarchy are not in the building, the rest of us don’t need any ventilation, A/C, etc. I finally took a photo of the thermostat at 80* and – again – sent it to some person up the chain. On top of that I was so immersed in my own head about property and rising house prices and my eternal indecision about doing the best thing or the right thing or the smart thing or the happy thing – until it’s not – that I was exhausted by Sunday night. The good thing about time, about sleep is that it smoothes over the rough edges of the anxiety and makes everything seem more ‘do-able’ and ‘okay’ and less emergent. (As I sit here hearing the Effing traffic rush by only yards from me! …there, got up and closed the fucking windows so the sound is now a dull-roar) So this weekend is my get-off-my-ass-and-do-stuff-like-a-maniac beginning – I have been doing stuff but I’ve been methodical and moderate about it. Now I feel that I need to just be a whirling dervish and get it done ASAP just incase the opportunity arises to move quickly. I’m not going to lose my head, I’m not going to be rash and impulsive. If I have ‘the work done’ I can focus better on what’s in front of me, weigh the opportunities better. I also just need to upload a good book and have my mind hijacked while I work. Right now it’s Glennon Doyle, whom I’ve never read, but her voice is more childlike and the subject matter, although I’m not disagreeing with her perspective, is too visceral for me to relax while listening. Actually, this would be a good time for a friend visit – which we are not doing, thanx Rona!, but all my friends are too sympathetic and without any real advice or answers. Those have to come from me anyway – no one wants to be the person to blame if a recommendation is taken and it’s the ‘wrong one’ so people tend to agree and sympathize and give those sad eyes that say “I hear you. I share your misery” but they are as empty of conviction as I am. I need to get back into the frame of mind, the heart space of – life is a journey, have no expectations, go with the flow, live each day in the present, enjoy and appreciate this day and what I have, it will all be okay, sometimes things are hard- that’s just how life is, trust, have faith, have a light spirit and believe that good things will come if I’m patient, don’t be anxious about things that I can’t control, don’t worry about what I can do nothing about, don’t act like it’s the end of the world if it seems like things could be better but are just stagnating, remember; you have food, housing, water, a job, a family, ‘relative’ freedom, and character traits like fortitude, tenacity, resilience, inner strength, resourcefulness,…why does this sound like I’m entering battle? Is life a battle? Should it be? Am I doing it wrong? Is this how it is for everyone? Or just those of us not smart enough or those of us who have a moral compass? I could toss a coin to make decisions but who does that? Pre-game coin tosses because it’s 50-50 and no great loss either way. For me, it’s more tossing & turning at night, restless because I’m tossing – always tossing – ideas around in my head; I always have…I’ve always had a restless mind. And here’s another ‘thing’…I’m always preoccupied with myself; is this normal? I think of my children and grandchildren but my center of thought(s) is always ME. Some how that seems off. It seems – not narcissistic, not self-centered (I’m not selfish and only out for myself) – but overly concerned with myself and work, life, future, home, money, getting old, yadda yadda – I think it has a lot to do with my loner-lifestyle (unintended but reality none-the-less) and the ‘fact’ that I can really only rely on myself for my needs (as it should be…?) or maybe it’s because I have no true idea of who the hell I am…at 57 still figuring out what I want, (btw: I really don’t like the phrases “who am I, I need to ‘find myself,’ I don’t know myself well enough” but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true – it’s not psycho-babble) …This can go on forever… this coffee is making me too hot and I’ve diluted the sweet maple flavor by pouring more coffee in the cup without adding more syrup because I don’t want to get up off the couch…it’s been 50 minutes and I was only going to write for 30 but I still have coffee to drink so I’m just going to keep writing (you can stop reading if you haven’t already) and this weekend I need to make a mask for my daughter as well as myself because ‘work’ now has resorted to the GOVERNMENT SUPPLY OF MASKS and I had to STAPLE my TWICE yesterday because it kept falling apart and…I mentioned this and the fact that the nose ‘wire’ doesn’t conform to the bridge of my nose so the mask keeps riding up my face to the charge nurse who replied – not kidding here – “they are not made for “medical use” per the box that they come in”…WTF! Early July and I have to: finish my taxes, make a couple of masks, finish staining the deck, start tackling all the inside projects and hoe out the house of miscellaneous debris – mine or just what’s accumulated over two decades – It doesn’t all have to be done this month but most of it has to be mostly done and definitely before September (preferably August – when my sister and BIL come up for a week) – No pressure. Really. Cuz it all doesn’t really matter anyway; nothing will happen if I don’t accomplish any of these (except the Effing taxes- those have to be done) – Life will go on, I’ll still be here and all these items of things to do will continue to wait until I get to them. No biggie. Go back to enjoying the time in between the work; the walks, a nice drive, a movie, grand kids, and a kayak float on the river more often. So what if things ‘don’t get done’ … so what if I don’t move… I’ll adjust to making a point of feeling more grateful for what is good and right for me and minimize what, right now, sucks my patience and frustrates me. I’ll get over it…I always do. No…I won’t ‘get over it’…I’ll just live with it…simmering but I’ll live with it. We all have shit we have to live with and mine, right now, is pretty minimal. Glennon Doyle was married with three children when she – quite suddenly – fell in love with another woman. I find that interesting. I wonder what that feels like; falling in love – with anyone, man or woman? I focus my mind on the benefits of singlehood when my ‘envy’ (for lack of a better word right now) starts to show up. I think it would be lovely to have someone who has my back, someone to talk to late at night about what’s bothering me, another voice – of reason – besides mine, someone to go paddle around on the river with me and share dreams and ideas and hobbies and what books we are reading. Oh well. I don’t and that’s okay too. See this is why I need a forever-home…because I can nurture it, love it and it will be there for me giving me what I need. And around and around I go. 69 minutes and my coffee really needs more syrup and my ass needs a break and I really need to start my chores, I need to start my finishing.

socs-badge-2019-2020 Linda G. Hill: toss

trying to find the ‘perfect’ place without losing my sanity

Hi Everyone in ! It’s a Friday here at work but, since it’s “technically” a paid holiday for the M-F, 9-5 set, it feels like a Saturday – which is why I was just about to do my SoCS post for Linda G. Hill (“toss”) but now I’ll wait for the actual Saturday, July 4th –

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My dream small stone house bordering a river!

Instead I’m going to post about this little gem above that has been driving me to the point of anxiety. I found this listing 33 minutes after it was posted on the web and I can’t tamp down my emotions. I’m not going to launch into details about the subsequent call to the agent and the dialogue and my heart palpitations, no, I’m going to cut to the meat of my deliberations per my usual. So, if you are not up for reading about what’s going on in my head about moving – or not moving, this is where you stop.

We all know that moving/relocation is one of life’s BIG decisions and, therefore, a decision that is weighed very deliberately with thorough examinations on so many levels it’s exhausting. I am currently one hour away from my job but 5 minutes close to my family. I have a ‘big’ house that I want out of for something smaller and more manageable. I want to be closer to work but not the-other-side-of-work so that I’d be more than an hour away from my family. See? I love Vermont. I’m okay with NH if I’m in the right place. I plan to make my forever home also my final move so it has to be the best I can find for me. I also realize that nothing is forever and shit happens, blah blah blah but I am trying to be more optimistic and plan for the best while being aware that things change.

Assuming that I get what I want, if I find a home I am in love with but it’s almost two hours from family, do I move? If I forgo the dream house for something that is closer to them, what’s to prevent them from moving to Alaska, for example? NH has no income tax but, allegedly, higher property taxes overall. Vermont is beautiful but poor. Vermonters are easy going, more relaxed and NHites are more uptight but have more lakes, rivers, ponds, mountains and places to shop. ~ It’s really 6 of one, half-dozen of the other to me. Pros and cons to both that I can live with and I don’t have young children so schools are not a consideration.

I’ve dreamed of a small stone house for so many decades that I’ve lost track. I’ve never considered looking or even thought of the possibility of a small stone house because there are so few of them. When I saw this I swear I had a PVC – premature ventricular contraction – an extra heart beat. There are no photos of the inside but the outside is so immaculate that – in my mind – the interior is my dream home; open concept, clean, light, hardwood floors, a deck or patio in the back ** I forgot to mention!!! the property has umpteen feet of river…the whole back of the property line is river!!** Yes, I have considered flooding, etc. so THAT is a consideration.

Some snags: property is flying of the ‘for sale shelf’ because (damn) outer-staters from the cities are flocking to rural areas and because they have bags of disposable income, unlike rural folk, they are buying up property sight-unseen IN CASH. Which also means that this will continue and the prices of property will continue to go up. So, there’s that little wet towel. (why am I always on the shit end of things when I decide to make a move?)

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My beautiful VT home on rolling hills with a brook!

I am trying to NOT become obsessed. I am trying NOT to become anxious. I am trying to maintain that when I find what I believe to be THE house for me, it WILL become mine if that is indeed what is best for me. Meanwhile you better believe that I will be busting my ass fixing, cleaning, excavating and ridding my current house of everything to make it as appealing (and ready to move from) as possible in the next few weeks. If I am going to jump on an opportunity, I’ll have two homes until I sell my own, which, given the current market, should fly off the list as fast as every other property especially since it’s about a half-hour drive to Boston and less than an hour to the White Mountains. **hmmm….am I being crazy to sell? UGH. Why am I of two minds about this? No, I want to sell. I don’t need all the space and I’m sure another buying will love it and I want to ‘move on’ to something that I really, really love.

…I was interrupted. I’m exhausted from just thinking about all this. Back to work.

BI #34

Do you think that reading is an important prerequisite for writing well? If so, what kind of reading material inspires or affects your writing?

~ SaltedCaramel’s Blogging Insights #34

There was writing before reading so the importance of reading as a prerequisite to writing is relative. In short, some writers just have a ‘natural flair’ for writing and others would do well to broaden their ‘experiences’ & techniques  by reading other authors.

I would love to believe that my writing is ‘affected’ by reading others’ work but it is not; my writing is just my stream of consciousness about nothing by what ever is crossing my mind. I really love good writing or sometimes just okay writing but interesting subjects (some writing is more conversant than ‘good writing’).

#FPQ #76: satisfaction

Are you satisfied with your life at the moment. If so, what is it that brings you the greatest satisfaction? If not, what might you do to achieve satisfaction in your life?

~~ #FPQ #76

Pinterest image

Thanks Fandango!!  Being vigilantly self-absorbed conscious of how I spend my time and what I’d like to do with my life; this is right up my alley.

I am satisfied with my life at the moment and that may be a surprising answer considering my more recent posts but I, unlike readers, have the broad view of my whole life in comparison to “at the moment” and right now, this life is a cake-walk. I am a walking testament to the admonition don’t make a permanent solution to a temporary problem because if we just keep in mind that nothing (except death) is forever, life can and does get better.

My greatest satisfaction is my age – which I never thought I’d see, never. Getting older is so rewarding despite the over-rated disadvantages of aging which is almost all vanity anyway. The only ‘real’ disadvantage is physical limitations some of which is my fault; lack of stretching and routine vigorous exercise such as cardio workouts and yoga. My intentions are good but we all know how that paves out. And some of my limitations are just a part of living, for example, cancer and the consequences of chemotherapy and surgery. But this is how I look at aging in the age of agism; our body is the vehicle for our soul, it’s not meant to last forever and the scars it bears upon death is a testament to the battles we fought. The reward of aging is that I have learned enough to care less; it’s all temporary and a matter of perspective and everyone is a soul just trying to live in this world within the body and the circumstances in which they found themselves…just like me.

Achieving satisfaction? Achieve is a verb and a verb means action. Life evolves and there is no end-game (again, except death) so achievement is not a destination, it’s a pit-stop.

I’ve come to realize that it bodes better for me if I have a shortlist of goals than a long range destination that is a pinprick of light in some future made-up world that may never come to pass. Shit happens and it usually fucks up the best made plans. How do I deal with dissatisfaction? Being aware of what is “good” in my present day, being grateful for the where-with-all to work on changing what I do not appreciate, and recognizing that it’s all a process that transforms over time. I have learned to simultaneously embrace the “good” while working to modify the “bad” – it’s not a single laser-focus on that with which I am unhappy because that is depressing. It’s a balancing act. It’s accepting that life isn’t all one thing or another – it’s both, and I’ve discovered that that is a good thing. A well-earned feeling of satisfaction for what I’ve already accomplished in my life combined with the anticipation of work that I have yet to do because I chose to do it.

But satisfaction is not based on what I have or what I’ve accomplished. Satisfaction is the awareness that I have options and the freedom of will to decide how I want to navigate in this life. That’s a very liberating realization.





something to be obsessed about…

I’ve been suffering from an obsession lately. For the last 5 days I’ve been settled within myself that I will – at some point in the future – sell my home and relocate. I don’t have a plan except to work at Doing What Needs Doing to my current property to make it more marketable. But part of the work is also looking for a new space – no surprise there; finding a new forever-home means that it has to be just right. It has to have everything I need to make the hassle of moving – and incurring more debt – worth it. So lately I’ve been obsessed with looking at houses/properties, for example, I spent hours doing this yesterday afternoon (I didn’t keep track of time because it wasn’t my intention when I sat down) into the evening -9:30ish. I went to bed thereafter and woke at 12:30a to resume looking – until 3:30a!! I wasn’t even comfortable in bed doing this but I persisted in the search.

Part of what is making the search so extensive is that I’m not sure where I ‘want’ to be; I am looking at a shorter commute to work so that involves a radius that includes two states: Vermont & New Hampshire. I prefer the beauty of Vermont but that puts me farther from my family in NH – also, by staying in NH I don’t have to change anything besides my address (the two states are vastly different in taxes, politics, etc.) I am finding homes slightly less expensive, though, in Vermont. And with a 30-40 mile traveling radius from work, that’s a lot of properties to look through.

I’ve ‘hearted’ only two or three; they weren’t ‘perfect’ but I really liked them and I’m having a hard time finding anything that I really like. When I say they “weren’t perfect” I mean that either the travel to work was over an hour or the space was way too small – those are conditions which I won’t concede. One property was about five years ‘old’ and looked like it had never been lived in; it was absolutely gorgeous inside, cute as a button outside, nice landscaping, exactly the kind of land/property I want (rolling green hills, some woods, a babbling-brook, and in the country;  a cow herd was grazing on the adjacent property) but it was small and it had been on the market 3 days and was already under contract!

My inner conviction is that, “when the time is right,” the property will come. I’ve been shoring up my emotional strength and ‘faith’ in the last five-days with incessant audio-positive-reinforcement books, etc. I know that is “woo-woo” to some of you but I find that I FEEL better when I have hope; when I choose to believe that, despite what craziness goes on in the world, things will work out if I “do the work” or, in other words, stay positive and plug along each day working toward my goals.

It’s a matter of opinion as to whether or not having faith, being positive and keeping the ‘vision’ or ‘dream’ alive each day while working toward that goal has any merit in relationship to the direct outcome. There is no empirical ‘evidence’ of faith, optimism, and persistence being directly related to obtaining or reaching a goal but…too many people testify to this exact thing and I prefer to believe that working hard will pay off. Otherwise, what’s the point? What’s the point of having a desire and working toward making it come true if only fate will determine the outcome?

This has been an issue all my life. I’ve always believed that the world was against me; the world conspired to ruin everything I ever wanted and worked for and this made me incredibly depressed, living in despair, contemplating suicide options and “why not?” But I’ve had to adjust, I’ve had to WORK at changing my perspective and attitude DESPITE all else being the same. Eventually, over time, through cancer and other visceral disappointments, things have slowly been working in my favor; I finally have a job that I don’t despise but one that I actually like and that has made a huge difference in my life. Huge. I am trying to take one day at a time and express – verbally while on my walks or driving my car to work – my gratitude for what I do have and I visualize what I’d like my future to look like. But I also remain flexible to what comes along. It’s best to not be so stubborn about what I want that I miss an opportunity for something better; something I had not considered.

Preparedness. That’s what I am trying to achieve; when the right property comes along, I want my property to be ready, I want to be ready mentally and physically for the move. What that means is that I am not ‘in a hurry’ for this change – it has to take place when everything is aligned if I want the perfect forever-home. That means I need to practice patience and persistence.

That means I have things to do today besides spending time on this little silver device. So, thanks for reading and if you have any opinions regarding faith, optimism, visualization, or working toward a goal, please feel free to share. I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Rory’s question.

Rory writes:  “Why do some mothers believe they know their children inside out when it is blatantly obvious they cannot and more so if they have had very little contact with them – what is it that makes them think – they know them forever? Is it a mother’s bond or is that purely poppycock? Is it perhaps more a case of wishful thinking … what?

When do you think and at what point would you say that a person knows another person by a good 85% if not more and if at all – what qualifies another to say something like ‘I know them forever?’”  ~~~ as found on Melanie’s post here.

Well, I wouldn’t stop at “mothers”…as it seems almost every one thinks that they know more than they actually do and men are the greatest at knowing the mostest. But, sticking to mothers ~ and spouses/sig.others ~ because it’s more about intimacy or a simulation of it, than anything else.

I am the exception to the rule; I don’t pretend to know my children or even my friends. I’ve always been fascinated with the cry of family members and some friends that they have ‘known’ someone and they’d ‘never’ do such and such – blah, blah.

Here’s the thing: when any of us ‘get to know’ someone, and that includes a brand-new someone who is a blank slate, we are getting to know the someone that we are shown – by them. Sure, children are more transparent – at first – but that quickly changes when they realize that they can become more…sneaky, or lie, or think that the parent/adult doesn’t know because they ‘didn’t see’ and that’s how it all starts. We all do it. Okay, most of us do it. From starting to lie, etc., it’s just an evolution for all of us of pushing the envelope to expand our boundaries, to find out who we really are, what we’re made of and how much we dare. And don’t we all gravitate toward those with whom it seems we have some common interests? And since that’s how the dance starts, why would either dance partner shake that up?

It’s a slippery slope when someone thinks they know someone else. I can understand how spouses or ‘couples’ would adopt that conviction; after all, they live together, sleep together, eat together, brush their teeth side-by-side, etc. One would think that after a few years of that you’d ‘know’ someone but I take a cue from observing and it seems to me there are a lot of people who think they ‘know’ someone who are later so shocked at  a behavior or something said, what ever. I’d think that more people would at least hold some reservation, some margin for error about the people that they think they know.

Also, when some “Surprise!,” your husband’s a child molester, having an affair, or squandered every penny you thought you had shared, there’s usually a bread-crumb trail leading right up to this point – only had one been paying attention and not taking their partner/relationship for granted. And that’s all part of the problem; we are all so busy, so immersed in our work or other activities that we don’t really pay attention to small details. Plus, who doesn’t, when in love (or really, really like), assume all the good details and subconsciously disregard the negative ones? Don’t see, don’t notice, didn’t hear the tiny clues?

I remember reading a blog post, I think it was, I’m really trying to remember the details because it was a smart idea, where the guy relayed that he and his newish-girlfriend went on a backpacking trip for weeks; carry everything you need on your back, sleep in tents, filter water for drinking and eating, shit in the woods, out beyond ‘civilization’ (of coarse it’s a good way to be murdered too, speaking of ‘knowing’ someone) to see if they were compatible. I thought, “Good one”, because if you want to ‘know’ someone, put them in an uncomfortable place for a period of time and see how they break, along what lines, how they display frustration and see to what behavior they resort.

Everything is rosy as long as we are all comfortable and getting along. As soon as the shit hits the fan, it all changes.

Back to mothers and my the answer; it’s probably not unlike men bragging about something; the biggest fish, the most lucrative job, how many women they’ve laid. It’s about competition and being viewed through a flattering lens. Mothers are not immune to what other people think, especially since they are the most judged humans on earth, so naturally women, whose “job” it is to raise children, often alone, having devoted ‘the best years of their lives’ to birthing and growing other humans, like to feel that they have some insight into these very same people. If you’ve never seen any news or video or movies, let me tell you, any mother of a rapist or murder or what-evil-have-you are vilified. Same for wives. It’s been this way since the dawn of time. Not likely to change even with enlightenment.

We’d do better to distance ourselves when those baby birds start to flap their tiny wings because we do not REALLY know them once they start growing older, thinking for themselves, learning behaviors from others (family, friends, schoolmates, TV, etc.) and generally becoming. *I wrote a post with a similar perspective and when I find it, I’ll link it. They are their own person. We are not responsible for what they think and say and do. And once they leave the nest…you know them even less.